I was deeply touched to get a message from Iowa Public Radio’s
this past week inviting me to join a Talk of Iowa segment that featured various mens’ thoughts on masculinity and what it means to be a man in 2025.As you’ll hear in this video, I open up about the influence that my parents have had on me with regard to masculinity and, specifically, the role that my dad’s death played.
There are of course countless other role models in my life, both men and women, that have influenced my feelings on the subject. One is the late Rob Dillard, a dear family friend and also a beloved voice on Iowa Public Radio who worked closely with Charity. It was the honor of my life to eulogize him when he tragically passed from pancreatic cancer last year. My remarks at his memorial touched on my belief that many young people who embrace toxic masculinity are not fortunate enough to have the tenderness of a Rob Dillard in their lives.
In addition to this audio/video which I crudely ripped from Iowa Public Radio’s website — I adore IPR but their frequent on-air pledge drives lead me to believe they don’t have the money to sue me — I’m posting the transcript below in hopes of tricking my paid subscribers into thinking that I actually wrote something this week (real article coming in a few days).
That said, if you’re able, I’d definitely recommend listening to this one over just reading the transcript.
And if you plan on getting behind the wheel of a car today, do NOT drink every time I say “you know.”
Transcript: What does it mean to be a man?
Hey! My name is Romen Borsellino. I’m from Des Moines, Iowa. I grew up the child of journalists, and I am now a comedy writer in Los Angeles, California. To be a man in 2025 is, obviously a position of privilege, right?
Men seem to control pretty much every facet of life, at least in this country right now. The most listened to podcasts are the ones on the right from Joe Rogan and, you know, sort of these men's rights activists.
The country is run by men and they're driving out women under the guise of DEI. Fox News is the most watched news program. Obviously, these are political things, but I think they can't be untangled from masculinity and maleness.
I think to be a man right now is to be in a position of power.
If I'm being 100% honest, I think, and this is not to sound as though I “got it,” quote unquote, early on, but I think I have always had a decent sense of what it means to be a man and what masculinity means.
And I have not always thought of it as necessarily an incredible thing in that while we are certainly, quote unquote, in charge, we're, kind of, you know, not always using our positions of power for good things. And I say that I've had this understanding for a while because I was, you know, raised by feminists. My mom is, you know, Rekha Basu is really one of Des Moines' most outspoken feminists [light laughter].
My father, my late father Rob Borsellino, I learned very early on how many women friends he had and how much women were a part of his life and our family's lives. And so I think for my entire life, I've been aware of what masculinity means. And so now to see sort of toxic masculinity wreak havoc on society and on the world, it's a shame.
I lost my dad at age 16, which meant that, at some point when I hit age 32—yeah, I'm aging myself. Whoops—I realized that I had lived more of my life without my dad than with my dad.
And with that means that the primary role model in my life, my parents, had been my mom. So that is to say that at this point in my life, I have had my mom's influence over me more than anyone else. And given her position as a feminist and her, you know, politics and views, I think that's really rubbed off on me.But when my dad passed away, I learned to really sort of rely on other people.
And, you know, my dad lost his father when he was, I want to say six years old. And he told me that the community was telling him “you need to be strong now now. You need to be the man of the household. You need to take care of your mother.It's not okay to show weakness. It's not okay to cry. You need to step it up.”
And,I think for one, he did not want my brother and I to ever feel a trace of that when we were growing up, even when he was alive and well. And then when he passed, it was very much the opposite of that. It was being able to rely on women and other role models and other figures around us.
And we were able, I was able— I was 16—I was able to still be a kid in many ways. I didn't feel this need to be a man. And at his funeral, to be crying publicly in front of hundreds and hundreds of people, clearly, I had no qualms with how quote unquote masculine I was viewed.
Of course my dad dying was an absolute tragedy. But when I look back at the things that have shaped me, I think it has had a sort of a happy ending. I didn't go into some rage and get pissed off at the world. I think I was really able to embrace the love of around those around me. And that's not unrelated to masculinity.
I’m a proud member of the Iowa Writer’s Collaborative. Click below for the full roster.
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